Godly Friendships: Foundations That Endure

Join host DeAnna Byrd for the powerful conclusion to her two-part series on the value and enduring nature of Godly Friendships. This episode features a deeply personal conversation with her close and long-standing friend, Carrole Hedges, about the principles that have sustained their Christ-centered relationship for nearly three decades.

DeAnna and Carrole lay bare the truth about what it takes to maintain a friendship across different life seasons, personal struggles, and physical distance. They emphasize that the foundation of their friendship is the constant bond of Christ, which anchors them and allows them to navigate life's inevitable highs and lows with grace and peace.

The discussion delves into the profound necessity of having a "Holy of Holies" friend—a trustworthy, constant companion who serves as an unwavering prayer warrior. They stress the importance of unconditional love and radical honesty, highlighting that true friendship requires loving each other "no matter what" and speaking the truth, even when it is difficult or uncomfortable. This brutal, yet loving, honesty is what facilitates genuine growth and accountability.

A significant portion of the conversation focuses on the power of personal testimony and the impact of God’s faithfulness on their lives. Carrole shares her incredibly vulnerable experience with a broken marriage and the subsequent, beautiful blessing of restoration through faith, forgiveness, and walking obediently through God's will. This powerful story serves as a testament to the hope found in God's promises and the strength drawn from having a faithful, praying friend.

This episode is more than just a chat; it’s a blueprint for intentional Christian living and building relationships that last. Tune in to understand the peace that comes from a genuine Godly friendship and be encouraged to cultivate your own relationships into lifelong, trustworthy, and prayer-filled bonds.

Real stories. Real faith. Real encouragement for your journey.

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Transcript

DeAnna: 0:06

Hello, everybody, and welcome to Stories from a Woman's Heart Podcast. I'm so glad that you're joining us today. This episode is a conclusion of our two-part series talking about godly friendships. And I'm so excited and so happy to have my longtime friend Carrole Hedges joining me today. Carrole, how are you doing today?

Carrole: 0:26

I am doing wonderful.

DeAnna: 0:28

I'm so glad that you decided to sit down with me and talk about our friendship because we've been friends for a long time.

Carrole: 0:33

We have. And I'm very honored that you asked me. I'm very pleased. It's a blessing.

DeAnna: 0:37

Well, you've always been a blessing to me. And I mean, we probably go back what about 30 years?

Carrole: 0:41

A bout right. It's been a minute.

DeAnna: 0:42

It's been a hot minute, right? I'm gonna give you the honors of telling everybody how we met.

Carrole: 0:47

So you can correct me if I'm wrong because I'm old and I don't remember details very well. But I believe we met through mutual friends at one point many years ago. And we were also in a sorority together at one point. I think we've been through seasons of life where we've been very present and then some years where maybe we weren't so involved, but always there, you know what I mean?

DeAnna: 1:09

Right.

Carrole: 1:09

In thought and prayer. But we have definitely uh lived a lot of life.

DeAnna: 1:14

Yes, we have.

Carrole: 1:15

And all these years and many, many experiences. Yeah, a lot of years. I'm very thankful to have you in my life.

DeAnna: 1:21

Well, I'm thankful too. And even though, like you were saying, there's seasons where we've been there daily, we're not in each other's lives on a daily basis, but I know that you're there. Like if I called you and said, Carrole, I really need you, you're gonna be there, you're gonna drop everything for me, and I'm gonna do the same for you, and you're gonna pray for me.

Carrole: 1:35

Absolutely.

DeAnna: 1:36

Because we have walked through some stuff together. I mean, you've been through the trenches with me. And I've been through the trenches with you. We've had some highs, we've had some lows, and you've been there with me through the lows, and you've rejoiced with me over all these years. God has put you there, and you've just been that lifelong friend. So, what do you think has been the dynamic for us as friends?

Carrole: 1:56

I think one of the big reasons that we've stayed friends and and had that bond is because we both have a very strong belief and a very strong relationship in God. And He talks a lot in the Bible about what a good friendship is. And I think that you and I share a lot of those qualities and that call to be a good friend and what makes a good friend. I think without those things, maybe we wouldn't have stayed as close as we are. Like people come in and out for different seasons. And I think that's probably because there are some of those qualities that are lacking or that aren't where they should be or need to be to sustain that type of relationship and friendship. So, what qualities do you look for in godly friendships? I think that consistency is definitely one. You really have to, like with any relationship, whether it be parental or with your spouse, you have to work at it. You have to be present, whether it's physically present or whether it's having someone in prayer on a daily basis and being a good prayer warrior for that person. I think that you definitely need to have those. And that's important to me. You know, you by far are one of the most amazing individuals I've ever met in my life. Well, thank you. You're so gifted and talented. And you just uplift and you bring so much peace and prayer and love. It's also going back to that parental relationship or a spousal relationship. It's an unconditional love and friendship where you don't always have to agree. You don't always have to see things the same way. But you love that person anyway, regardless of your differences, right? Whatever that might be, difference of opinion about things or whatever the situation might be. But I think that's important having a friend that loves you, no matter what path you're walking on, where you're at in your journey, a true friend in God's eyes is someone that's gonna love you unconditionally and who's going to walk that path with you and also be honest, brutally so sometimes. Yes, yes. Sometimes you don't want to hear it.

DeAnna: 3:54

And for me, you're that person, knowing that you're in my life brings me such a comfort and peace that I know that I can call you at any time because you are the same. You encourage, you inspire, you have such a kind heart and a loving heart. And I love you so much. And I'm so thankful to God that He's brought us together and kept us where we are over all these years because you've been through some stuff with me. We've had a lot of adversity in our lives, right?

Carrole: 4:18

Yes, we are.

DeAnna: 4:20

There's not many people, and I've experienced this where I've walked through some stuff with a friend, and then when it came time to walk with me through my stuff, they couldn't handle it.

Carrole: 4:30

A hundred percent.

DeAnna: 4:31

Which was disappointing because you pray for that person and you're there for that person and you walk with them through their stuff. And then when it comes time for them to be there for you, it's like, oh, well, I can't handle it.

Carrole: 4:42

Right.

DeAnna: 4:42

So you and I we've been through the trenches together, we've had some adversity, some stuff. I know you've been there and you've never judged me, you've never petted me and said, you know, it's like, listen, again, let me tell you. So, what do you think about in that situation where people are that way? How do you handle something like that?

Carrole: 4:59

Well, that is definitely true, and that has happened to me. And I think that that goes back to really finding out and knowing who your true friends are, right? Because that's really how God lets you know that those people were really not meant for you and to be in your life. Because I have been through things and you have been through things, and maybe the same friends who claim to be friends, but then when things got really hard or really tough, or maybe you were stepping into a path that you felt like God was leading you down and they didn't necessarily agree with that, they don't want to support you in that and they don't want to be there for you in that. And so they all just pass a lot of judgment and then turn their back on you. And I have had that happen to me, and it was very hurtful at the time, very hurtful, because I really didn't understand why that was the case. But growing into your relationship and Christ shows you that not everyone is meant to be in your life for a lifetime. Maybe, yes, those people were in there just for a season at a time, and maybe it was to teach you something that he wanted you to know.

DeAnna: 6:02

I agree.

Carrole: 6:02

And I think in that he taught me what a true friend is in his eyes, and how he can help those relationships grow and develop and you become a better person, a better Christian, a better friend, a better everything. Through that, you learn to be a better spouse, a better parent. He really, really shows you through those kinds of relationships why they don't work and why these do over here. It was hurtful at the time, but it was meant to grow me. And I think that it did. Looking back now, I'm not friends with those people anymore. I don't communicate with those people, I don't wish them any ill will. And I still pray for them and their family, of course, but I don't miss them.

DeAnna: 6:41

Right, exactly. And I think it just says our marriages need to be aligned. We need to be aligned with God, first and foremost. Any relationship that we're in should be in line with God, and that includes our friendships with each other. Yes. Christ should be the foundation, and then we align with Him, then we'll be in line with each other. I think that's important because especially when you're going through something, you're aligned with each other, and you can come to that person and say, pray about this, and they're trustworthy because I don't trust everyone. I don't know why not. No, I'm kind of kidding. Right. Because I've been and people have broken my trust. So I find I'm very cautious as to who I trust, but I do feel like that the Holy Spirit gives you that discernment of letting you know you might need to stay away from that person, or nope, give that person opportunity, a chance. So when that trust is built, that's really good for me. Yes. I find that in my friendships, when I can trust that person and say, Hey, I've got this going on or I've got that going on. I I don't want anyone to know right now. Well, you just pray about it. I know that it's not gonna go anywhere but stay with you between you and God because you're gonna pray about it. And that's hard. I feel like sometimes women tend to like be gossipy, right? They want to tell everything because we're chatty beings, but I love you being my friend because I can trust you and I can come to you and tell you anything and everything, and it stays there. And you're gonna pray about it and you're gonna war for me. Always. To me, it's a comfort and a peace that I have because I don't trust everybody. And then I put people in my life in three categories. I do outer courts, inner courts, and holy of holies. So my outer court would be someone you say hey, and you just kind of wave to them and say hello. And then your inner courts would be somebody that's beside you, but your holy of holies is somebody who's got your back.

Carrole: 8:23

Right.

DeAnna: 8:23

And girl, you know you're my holy holies, right? So now I got your back, you got mine. Absolutely.

Carrole: 8:29

Always, always, no matter what. That's so important. And you have such a great discernment. You know, and you can basically read people, and you are honest. And if it's not good, I know you'll be honest with me. And I think in times where, you know, I've been through some really tough things in life, and I've called upon you to really pray with me and to show me some guidance and give me some words for my own peace and wisdom. And you've always been there for me and you've always done that. And I am so blessed to have had that because I could have gone many different ways in my life, and you've always been there to guide me and to give me that peace.

DeAnna: 9:10

And you have too. I know many years ago when I was going through a really hard time, and I probably drove you insane. No, never, ever. But I truly felt like at the time I was gaining a lot from you. You were giving it to me straight, and you weren't just like, Well, I know she's going through a hard time, so I'm gonna be gentle. You're gentle, but you're also like, look, I'm gonna give it to you straight. And so that's what I needed. And I really drew so much from you. I always tell my husband, said, You're never gonna know how much I love you, even when we get to heaven. So you're never gonna know how much I love you. And I'm so thankful, even when we get to heaven, because I have such an admiration for you. Just knowing that you're in my corner, that you're my constant friend. I know you're gonna be there. I don't even know what the words are to describe it. I just know for me, the only way I can describe it probably is just that you're my constant, my constant friend. And that's such a peace and such a gift from God. And to have that godly relationship, we need them as women.

Carrole: 10:03

Oh, we do.

DeAnna: 10:03

And when we have that, you just hang on to it because they're very few and far between.

Carrole: 10:08

They are. And I think that's also something I've come to realize is that not everyone has that blessing in their life. They don't have that kind of friendship. So they don't know how to be that to someone else because they don't have that. They've never had that from another woman. And so it's easy for me to be your constant because you're my constant. It's reciprocal. I know that no matter what my need is or what my situation is, if I call on you, and even if I don't call on you, if I just put a call out to my prayer warriors, you're one of those people, and you are 100% gonna jump in and pray for me ceaselessly. I know I know that. I don't doubt it, I don't question it. I just know that it is, right? So there's so much power in that kind of praying warrior. I feel bad for other people because they don't have that. I do, I really do. I pray that they get that back from someone and that they're able to give that back to someone. But you have been that person, you are that person, and you'll always be that person. And same Ditto. So thankful for you. I am too taught me so much over the years, you know, because in the spiritual journey, you were way ahead of me along that path. And you were there and you mentored me, and you gave me prayer and words and confirmation of things that I needed. Some very dark times. So you taught me a lot, and I'm so thankful for that.

DeAnna: 11:27

You've helped me along my journey and my growth in Christ. I just want to be a vessel. And I was praying, Lord, make me a better wife, make me a better mom, make me a better friend, because we want to be more like Christ. And I want to be a better me in those relationships.

Carrole: 11:41

To revisit when we talk about some of the bad times, challenging times in the trenches, going through that with you, my constant dear friend. That one particular time period of my life truly required a whole lot of forgiveness. And the Lord calls us to bear with each other and forgive one another if we have grievances against others. And at that time, in order for me to move my future, what he had for me and for my family, I needed to do that. I needed to practice a whole lot of forgiveness. And I also had to practice a whole lot of patience, which I wasn't good at either. You always reminded me in many nights where I literally cried myself to sleep, where you would always remind me, your tears are for the harvest. Your tears are for the harvest, your tears are for the harvest. And it echoed, it echoed with me every night as I went to sleep. And I needed to do some hard things at that point in my life. And you helped me with that. I can't even express how much you helped me and how I don't think that I would be where I am today without all of your words of wisdom and without your patience with me while I was going through all that, because it was really difficult. When the world is telling you you should react one way, you really should do this, and you really should do that in this situation. And when the Lord is telling you you should do it a different way, right? Right. You have to do something different and something that you know you really didn't want to do. I really don't want to do that. I personally, I can't speak for everyone, but I personally have said, no, I don't want to do that. I've been there, you know, but it's because, of course, he knows he knows the outcome. The story's already been written, he knows where it's headed, and he just needs you to be obedient. You were there for me, and you always reminded me on a regular basis how important it was to stay the course and to do what in my heart I know I needed to do, what he was calling me to do. And I'm so thankful for that because my life has been blessed so much by that and where I'm at today personally, both in my marital relationship and as a person, as just a human walking this earth, you know, and practicing forgiveness for others in different situations. Because I've had to do that in other instances as well. Not just the one situation I'm referring to, but other situations as well, which were extremely difficult and where people said, I don't know how you could have done that, how you could have forgiven that person for that. But just something as a Christian, where we just do because we know it's the right thing to do, is forgive, because you do it for yourself, not for that other person. I did all that and went through that and walked all that, not knowing if I was gonna actually have the outcome that I felt like he told me that I was gonna have. But that's also about faith, right? Right. That's his promise to you. And I still refer to that today as my promise because that's another thing that you kept reminding me of. And it's amazing, really, to me, at one point, somewhere down the line, if I can be very honest, and some people may not totally understand. But my marriage was very broken, horribly broken. Not because I wanted it that way. It wasn't within my control, but truly, through all of that, with you walking that path with me and being in the trenches, being in the gap and praying for me and for us, no matter what was going on, as you always reminded me on the other side of the mountain, Carrole, you don't know what's going on over there. But you just have to have faith that he's got it and he's taking care of it. And it's your promise. And it was in my marriage, is completely restored and reconciled. That's one of the greatest blessings and stories I can share with people. That is a blessing. And I think a lot of that has to do with our friendship and you helping me, being there for me, and praying for us, teaching me how to pray on my own for myself, for my family, and to get to where I knew I needed to be, where we needed to be, no matter what. Stronger than ever today.

DeAnna: 15:25

And your husband is such a sweetheart, he's such a good man, such a good person, and such a good husband and dad, and all those things. And I'm so thankful that God restored that because he had such a purpose and plan for your lives together that God is doing, and he's just blessed y'all in such amazing ways. And I'm so thankful for that. And and I'm glad that I could be that person for you through that. And you've been that person for me through mine, although the outcome going through a divorce and not having the outcome that I wanted, I wanted God to restore. And I prayed for that, but it wasn't the outcome that God wanted for me. Right. And I had to believe God had made me a promise, and I had to believe that God had something better for me on the horizon on the other side of the mountain. And he did. Now, mind you, there's that whole waiting room. You had to wait on that to happen. And sometimes God, in his infinite power and wisdom, he can give it to you in a snap. But what would we learn? For me, going through the waiting period, I grew spiritually in my journey with him. He just began to reveal facets of who he is to me. But also, you were there holding my hand, letting me just be in those moments of being vulnerable and just letting it all out. You just being there and walking with me, encouraging me. You were always not brash or blunt, but you were just very brutally honest and said, Look, even when I found myself back in the dating field, which was not a good season. So through that, you even like, girl, what are you doing? So, even through that, you kind of see, I don't think she really knows me what she's doing there. You were just very truthful with me and very honest. And you loved me through it, even when I was not probably needing to be in the dating world because it's just a complete different thing. When you're older and you're divorced, it's like completely different. It was not for me. Although God had something great on the horizon and he brought my wonderful husband, them who I married to. But through that, it got showed me who he was and he he revealed himself to me. And I'm so thankful for that because going through those types of things, I was able to kind of help you through yours, being that vessel because you helped me just as much as I've helped you. Believe me. Girl, I got your back. Yeah, I need I need to get my back, girl. But for me, it's just been such a wonderful thing having you in my life and being there for me through those things. And God says that his promises are yes and amen. And although we may pray for an outcome, God's no's to us mean bigger yeses. Absolutely, definitely true.

Carrole: 17:51

I believe that with my whole heart. I have had the opportunity to give those same words of wisdom to others in my lifetime. It's a great blessing to me that I'm able to share what you've taught me over the years and the words that you've gave me that gave me such peace and just you being present in my life. I've been able to be more present for others, to be intentional. Yes. Absolutely. And to be able to do that is I don't know, it just makes me so happy.

DeAnna: 18:20

It is, and it brings a comfort just having you in my life. I do have other friends that also been that to me, my circle is very small. I keep it small for a reason. It makes me just feel better to know that these are my core people and I know they know me inside and out. Right. They know my stuff, they know what God has done in my life, and they know how I got from point A to point B. They've been there with me and they still love me, like you were talking about unconditional love and agape love. And it's just such a blessing. And there's just really no words to describe it other than it's just such a peace and comfort because I find that women out there, they can be a little catty or very jealous or they're insecure. I mean, it's just something that they have to work on themselves. I never want to be that kind of a person. So if you're my friend, I'm gonna be there for you. I'm gonna do everything that I can. If you call on me and say, hey, will you pray about this? Or hey, can I share this with you? What do you think? What's your opinion? I'm always gonna, well, let me pray about it. Let me get back to you. Or if we're talking about it and God drops something in my spirit, I'm gonna share that. That's the kind of friend that I want to be. Well, you are.

Carrole: 19:23

It's not you are too. You want to be. You just are, and you are, and you're very real. It's not something that you fake or that you don't pose. You know what I mean? There are some out there that may do it for a moment, right? Yeah, for whatever reason. That's not you. I mean, it's true. It's who you are to your core, it's who you are in your heart all the time, not just some of the time. All the time, you're that person.

DeAnna: 19:44

Well, you're always that person. I mean, I we can sit here all day to just like to I love you. I know how wonderful each other we are to each other. But I wanted to read a couple of scriptures and Proverbs 7:17 says, A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity. And then Ecclesiastes 4, 9 through 12, two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. And to me, that whole passage of scripture explains our relationship, I feel like. I agree. I mean, that explains us too deep.

Carrole: 20:28

Uh absolutely. Yes, definitely. I am so thankful for you. You're a blessing in my life. I trust you with everything and anything. I don't ever have to worry about you breaking my confidence or not being there for me. I know you're always going to be there for me, no matter what the situation is. You are honest with me. You love me. I mean, there's so many things that defines a true friend. And you're all of those things wrapped up in one beautiful package. And I love it.

DeAnna: 20:55

Same. It's like it's just how this whole scripture, of course, the word is true. And this is how we are to one another, to each other. This because I feel the exact same way you feel about me. It's I couldn't imagine my life without you in it. Everybody needs a Carrole, everybody needs a Carrole in their life. I feel like, you know, women need more godly friendships in their life. Women that will pour into each other like we pour in each other's lives. We should be the example to those women out there. We need more of that. I always tell my husband, I need that. I need godly relationships. We need more of that within the church.

Carrole: 21:28

Yes.

DeAnna: 21:29

And I find it hard. Like I have you, I know I have my core people, but when I go to church, just being able to make new friendships. So you do a small group or you do a Bible study, and that's where you can meet those same people and have those new godly friendships. It's new people, and you don't know whatever God can do with that. He can grow that in some way. But just being around other godly women and having those relationships are so important and we need them.

Carrole: 21:55

Yes.

DeAnna: 21:56

We need them. And I'm thankful again for who you are as a person, as a mom and a wife. You're an example. And I know you've been through a lot of things. You've been through a lot of stuff, but you have such amazing strength in the way that you've handled it is with such grace. If I could describe you, you're just a graceful, beautiful human. I want to just be who God wants me to be. I pray and just say, Lord, make me who you want me to be in every part of my life. I want to be pleasing to God in everything that I do. If it be going to the grocery store and maybe telling the person that's checking me out, just starting a conversation with them and maybe giving them a compliment about something. Or I know a few weeks ago we had those little mini Jesuses. I had some, I thought, you know, I'm just gonna pass those out. That's a way for you to share the lamb and let them know that Jesus loves them and they have that reminder. But I also prayed over those little mini Jesuses so that whoever had them in their hand, it wasn't just about this little bitty, mini Jesus, but it was about letting them know that Jesus loves them, praying over that so it went from my hand to theirs, that God was gonna do something special for them and to be a blessing. And we want to be a blessing to others and to our friends and to our family. I know that I want everything that God has for me. And I want everything God has for you just to see his glory in friendships in our relationship. God can still reveal his glory through our relationships and through our friendships, you know, in our marriages and in our relationships with our children and our grandkids. And I'm just thankful that we serve a mighty God who decided 30 years ago that we need to be in each other's life.

Carrole: 23:29

Amen. Amen. So am I. And I want to say one last thing about you. And everything you just said is so true. And you are God's love. When you go out and you interact with whomever it may be, anyone, that's what they see. They see God's love in you. And you're such a testimony to others just by being you, and that's what's so amazing about you.

DeAnna: 23:52

Well, listen, you've made me want to cry the whole time. I'm like, oh my gosh, and I tried not to cry. I appreciate everything that you've said. You poured into me and you've spoken into me, and you've been that friend that's poured and spoken into my life that has encouraged me and who's loved me through so much. And you just have no idea what that means to me. Because, like I said before, friends come and go, but the fact that you have been through every single thing, like God said, This is who I she needs right here. You're always on my mind, and you're always in my heart. So even if I don't pick up the phone and text, say, Hey, I'm thinking about you, just know that I'm always thinking about you, that I'm praying for you, and that you're always in my heart no matter what. And the blessing is I know that. Thank you. And everyone, again, y'all get y'all a Carrole out there. Y'all can't have my Carrole, but y'all can find you a Carrole.

Carrole: 24:36

Find you one. I even get you a Deanna while you're doing it.

DeAnna: 24:40

I I don't know. Some might say, I don't think so. I don't know about that. Well, Carrole, I'm so glad that you came today and sat down and discussed our relationship and talked about that. And I hope someone who's listening today that you'll find some encouragement and some inspiration from our relationship, our friendship, and that maybe you can have that special person that will be there with you through it all. Like I've got. Well, thanks so much for joining us and we'll see you later. Thank you. Bye.